The other day, I was listening to Douglas Wilson’s podcast, The Plodcast, and he made an interesting observation on the phenomenon of so many single women in the church these days. The whole episode is worth a listen, but what really struck me from it was his comment on singleness, generally.
In our current culture, there are mass numbers of single women in the church. Go to any church, and woman in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s outnumber single men by a large amount. I was part of this demographic for just over a decade; I know that it was a common topic of conversation, and a major point of prayer for the majority of those women. The hardest thing, truthfully, was being told that “singleness is a gift”. And this is where Wilson’s comment really struck me.
Whenever this topic comes up, people usually are referencing where Paul speaks about singleness (chastity) as an ideal state (1 Corinthians 7:25-40). A couple of times in that passage he makes the comment that he wishes his readers to “remain as he is” and that “she is happier if she remains as she is” (verse 26, 40). Singleness is a good thing, Paul says, because it allows you to remain unburdened by the duties of marriage and therefore free to serve the Lord. I agree with Paul; singleness is a gift. …To those who desire singleness.
And in some ways, this is very difficult for single people. I remember thinking it certainly wasn’t a gift I’d pick out for myself! And so, Wilson is helpful here: singleness isn’t always a gift. When singleness is involuntary, it’s not a gift; it’s an affliction!
We need to change the way we talk about singleness. Yes, singleness is a gift. But more often, it is an affliction because for the many single woman in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60+, this state is an unchosen one.
What if, instead of telling single people that there was joy in their singleness because singleness is a gift, we spoke of the joy that comes from singleness because affliction comes from a merciful God who uses trials and afflictions to sanctify us? Wouldn’t this properly acknowledge the difficulty of this particular trial rather than guilting single people into inauthentic happiness over a circumstance that can be very very trying and difficult? Wouldn’t this cause all of us to look to our Sovereign King who orchestrates all–marriages and singleness–for His glory and our good?
To my single friends: know that what you are walking through, especially if it is involuntary, Jesus will use to refine you and mold you and use you to bring His great name much glory and to expand and edify the kingdom. He also hears your heart. He knows this walk can be very difficult at times. It’s tough. …So look to Him!
To my married friends: know that singleness is hard, and a different kind of hard that marriage is. Be gracious to your siblings in Christ who are walking this trial; call it as such when you learn it is involuntary. Give them a place in your family, remind them of God’s faithfulness to you, and keep pointing them back to Christ. This can be tough. …So look to Him!
I don’t say this tritely; singleness is a strange affliction that affects all kinds of areas in your life at different times. But, like in all other afflictions, our hearts will find their greatest satisfaction in the heart of Christ, rather than in the removal of affliction. When we turn our eyes to Him, we realize that even this is “light and momentary” in comparison to glory! One day, we all will stand, face-to-face with the True Bridegroom, and sit with Him at the table to feast at the True Marriage supper to celebrate the full Consummation of Christ and His bride, the church, and be fully satisfied for eternity!
What you’ll find here is a collection of musings, thoughts, writings, and ramblings about things I’m reading, watching, and thinking about. It’s my goal to inspire, encourage, and instruct my fellow sisters in their walk with Jesus and their understanding of the Word.
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