“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, NIV)
I’ve begun to experience dark awareness of the pain that exists in life. As I watch dear people walk deep valleys of pain, I find myself asking two questions:
1. Nothing is impossible with God–so why doesn’t He do something about _____?
2. Why does Christ clearly say that He has come to give life to the full (or abundantly, in other translations) when obedience in pain is so… so weighty, heavy, and burdensome?
I find myself regularly asking God to show up in certain areas of my life; these are the areas where I feel the most stagnant, most shame, most pain, and want the most transformation.
…Why doesn’t God change these things?
It’s interesting how your heart and head can look at the same thing and come away with very different impressions, hmm?
My head knows that Christ allows difficulties, pain, and sorrow to make me more like Him.
My heart says, “But how is this life to the full? Will I always be so burdened with this? …What I am asking for is godly and biblical!”
When you’re in the valley of death, when every time (sometimes this is every day, every moment) you open your eyes you feel the suffocating weight of a desperate situation that has.not.changed…
Is.not.changing…
Will.not.change…
…How do you cling to knowledge that “God is in control”, “He sees your heart”, “All things are possible with God”? How do you hold on to the promise that Christ is actually giving you life to the full, right now? Or is that promise for the future?
The only way I can reconcile these thoughts is to understand that my ideas of “abundant life” do not mean feeling joy or delight all the time. It does not mean that I am constantly looking heavenward with a grin on my face thanking God for all the things in my life. It does not mean that I spring out of bed every morning excited to face the good works that God has planned for me.
“Abundant life” or “full of life” means that I now have a constant choice to not live by my emotions. It means that I have the ability to turn my face heavenward with tears streaming down my face and thank God that He is still God. It means that I can limp out of bed knowing that whatever passes that day, God knows and will walk with me through it.
I can only reconcile the promise of freedom with the burden of pain when I forcefully turn my eyes to Christ, knowing that while He often doesn’t fix, change, or transform the things that pain me the most, He is giving me an opportunity to choose to worship. Worship while weeping. While drowning. While suffocating. I can only reconcile the promise of freedom with the burden of pain when I realize that my life actually has absolutely nothing (no.thing!) to do with me and my happiness/contentment/wholeness/salvation/freedom…
…Because the life that Christ gives is kind that promises a future outside the temporal things in our world. He doesn’t promise that we will love our jobs. He doesn’t promise that we will always feel content. He doesn’t promise that our friends will always be kindred spirits. He doesn’t promise that our marriages will always be good. He doesn’t promise that we will have every temporal need fulfilled. …But He does promise that the half-death-life we give to Him can be turned in for a life that is holy and wholly usable to glorify Christ.
And, deep down, that is actually really what I want. I want my life to really be about Christ. About His bigness, about His holiness, about His good works, about His kingship.
..And so I cling, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, to what I do know to be true and ignore what I’m feel to be true. …And trust with my mind what my heart can’t always understand…
…What about you?
What you’ll find here is a collection of musings, thoughts, writings, and ramblings about things I’m reading, watching, and thinking about. It’s my goal to inspire, encourage, and instruct my fellow sisters in their walk with Jesus and their understanding of the Word.
- Erika Recommends: Best Books of 2021 - December 15, 2021
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- A Taste You Can Feel In Your Cheeks - September 29, 2021
